PSA: If you received an alarming snapchat from myself or my partner in crime regarding our house being broken into, we’re sorry. Sort of. At the time it seemed like a fun way to make light of what was a sketchy situation. In retrospect, we apologize. Not because it was tactless and juvenile (which it was, but that’s not why we’re sorry, duh) but because our crime investigation unit (housemates, trained extensively by CSI reruns) has concluded that the house was not really broken into at all.
From the beginning, things didn’t add up. “This doesn’t add up” we said to eachother, noting the deadbolt knocked partially off the door into the hallway, taking stock of all of our belongings and realizing nothing was missing and nothing had been moved. “Seems like a weiahhd place for a B n’ E” our new friend from the Somerville Police force noted, glancing at the heavy foot, bicycle and motor traffic right outside our front door. “I think one of us did this by accident” someone finally deduced, and we all agreed. Looks like when the door was slammed behind someone on their way out of the house the deadbolt (in the locked position) was knocked partially off rather than latching. Which is ridiculous and the real point of this entire post. Why bother having a deadbolt so shitty that it falls off of the door? This whole situation screams slumlord landlords exploiting college kids who don’t know better or don’t care. Pretty sure every off campus house I’ve ever been in is a mess of safety violations or has homeless people living in the basement. Maybe eventually I’ll post pictures of our heating system, it’s actually unbelievably poorly set up and hanging down to the floor (riveting stuff, I know).
Anyway, we came out of this realizing that our front door was probably wide open all day of our own doing and that no one walked in or took anything. Unfortunately, we realized this after Emily and I stress ate 4000 calories each of Deli-icious and JP Licks (seemed like the only thing to do as two girls home alone thinking their house had been forcibly broken into). But, you know, for any potential criminals out there, we replaced and changed all the locks just in case. Don’t come by. Thank you.